Another 1st entry...
I don't know where to start with this first entry, so I should probably begin at the beginning. I tend to be very logical in the majority of my endeavors, though many people claim that they cannot understand me or my thought process. Sometimes, I tend to think with my heart rather than my head, which gets me into trouble more often than not. I've used both with my current relationship, though, and it's something quite wonderful that I never have had to question. Security and stability are two things that have been quite lacking in previous relationships, and it's extremely comforting to have both this time.
The only difficult part has been the distance between us over this break. Four hours is quite far. Come to think of it, I haven't dated anyone who lived that far away. He's most definitely worth it, though. I hope he realizes how much he means to me, and how I would go to any length to ensure his happiness.
Aside from my relationship, a lot of things have been on my mind. First off, I have had no job satisfaction in quite some time. It's carried over into my personal life, and I feel as though I have to do something more rewarding. I have no idea what -- volunteer work, perhaps? I feel underappreciated, and because I tend to seek approval in certain aspects of my life, I don't take to that very well.
Secondly, I have started to look for a job. A real one, for when I graduate from college. It doesn't seem like what I am looking for is actually out there. I would love to get into a field which promotes research and writing. I know a history degree doesn't have a set job to get into after graduation, but I'm willing to be a little flexible in this case. It's hard to plan out my life when I don't know how things are going to stand in May...or even afterwards. Why must I torture myself by worrying about the future, instead of living in the moment?
It's almost four in the morning, so I should probably go to sleep for a few hours. The bad feeling in the pit of my stomach is almost gone; ever since I dated Chad, I've had trouble trusting men and their feelings about me. In my heart, I know what my boyfriend feels is true...I just need to stop focusing on the past and live for today. I need to trust myself for once. I need to trust love.
The only difficult part has been the distance between us over this break. Four hours is quite far. Come to think of it, I haven't dated anyone who lived that far away. He's most definitely worth it, though. I hope he realizes how much he means to me, and how I would go to any length to ensure his happiness.
Aside from my relationship, a lot of things have been on my mind. First off, I have had no job satisfaction in quite some time. It's carried over into my personal life, and I feel as though I have to do something more rewarding. I have no idea what -- volunteer work, perhaps? I feel underappreciated, and because I tend to seek approval in certain aspects of my life, I don't take to that very well.
Secondly, I have started to look for a job. A real one, for when I graduate from college. It doesn't seem like what I am looking for is actually out there. I would love to get into a field which promotes research and writing. I know a history degree doesn't have a set job to get into after graduation, but I'm willing to be a little flexible in this case. It's hard to plan out my life when I don't know how things are going to stand in May...or even afterwards. Why must I torture myself by worrying about the future, instead of living in the moment?
It's almost four in the morning, so I should probably go to sleep for a few hours. The bad feeling in the pit of my stomach is almost gone; ever since I dated Chad, I've had trouble trusting men and their feelings about me. In my heart, I know what my boyfriend feels is true...I just need to stop focusing on the past and live for today. I need to trust myself for once. I need to trust love.
posted by Erin Nicole @ 1:25 AM
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